Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Peanuts from Space

Recently discovered at Capogiro: A colony of space men living in the top of a jar of Cream Nut peanut butter. We noticed strange movement inside a jar one day, and upon further inspection, have uncovered a vast society of little green men and their primitive space culture. We have watched them grow small cities inside the canyons and craters of the peanut landscape. We have witnessed them start families and send their children out into the world to discover their greatness on peanut horizons. Everything seemed to be going smoothly for a while, but they began to look outside the jar that they call home. Everything changed when they saw me smack Zach in the back of the head for doing something stupid. Without knowing it, I had taught them violence.

Everything changed after that. They began smacking each other for kicks, then they realized that through violence they could get what they wanted. Little green husbands started smacking little green wives. Little green kids started smacking little green dogs. Within hours they had created weapons, for their little green hands were sore from all the smacking. Yesterday a full on war broke out between two rival factions, both competing for the love of a little green princess. Fleets of warriors and very small catapults were sent out to meet in the middle for what proved to be a battle of epic proportions. It was a massacre, little green bodies strewn all across the peanut fields. Little green folk everywhere are now sobbing over the broken bodies of their lost loved ones. Oh, the horror. I truly feel the weight of what I have created and swear to never resort to violence again.

Until Zach drives me to it.

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