Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I almost didn’t believe it there for a second…

Did anyone else have this experience? It wasn’t until it was widely announced that everything had been put back together that I realized just how close I had been to what would have been an exceedingly unpleasant fall and winter. I mean…this is AMERICA. We have traditions, and ceremony, and history. It’s how we pace the rhythm of our lives, how we recognize our own tribe, how we spend our Sunday afternoons.

I’m talking about football, of course.

I’ll stipulate for the record that I’m a baseball guy first and foremost. Baseball is jazz, and chess, and ballet, and quite literally poetry in motion. (Though Tim Lincecum’s delivery is more awkward 14 year old than T. S. Eliot, if you see what I’m saying and I think you do. Three wins in four games in San Francisco! HA!) Baseball is becoming truly international—Japan, Cuba, Central and South America—we’ve taught the world our game, and I really hope that someday soon we’ll have a real World Series. The World Baseball Classic is a step in the right direction.

But football. No one else does football right. (And no, this is decidedly not a blog post about futbol. I’d post the obligatory Simpsons video clip, but it’s been overdone. I’ve tried to enjoy soccer. Hell, I PLAYED soccer for a long time. It’s interminable to watch. Positively stultifying. I’d rather watch golf.) I think there’s a certain amount of intrinsic American swagger, or braggadocio, or bombast, that other nationalities just can’t understand. That and the differences between a free safety and a strong safety.

And we almost LOST IT. I’ll totally stipulate that it was a tantrum-throwing contest between millionaires and billionaires, though there were some real issues in play—long-term health care for retired players and the multitude of concussions, for example. We can have that more intellectual conversation if you like, just not right now.

SERIOUSLY, WE ALMOST DIDN’T HAVE FOOTBALL. Could you imagine? No fantasy football! No Eli Manning being a whiny-pants! No Tony Romo choking away games! Troy Polamalu’s hair! OchoCinco’s weirdness! Tono Romo choking!

And the Eagles are gonna be huge this year. YOOGE. I mean, obviously the offense is going to stomp up and down on people. Michael Vick’s only going to be better. DeSean Jackson wised up and went to camp. Vince Young though…really? Yeesh. That’ll be a wait-and-see situation for sure. But the defense. The D-FENCE! Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, Asante Samuel , AND Nnamdi Asomugha? You’re really going to try to throw against that, huh? Good luck, Tony. I’m predicting the team will grab 173 interceptions this season.

A small sigh: this is always the time of year when I start sorta-kinda-only-a-lil wishing I was still in Seattle. SO nice to wake up at 10:00, roll over and turn on your tv and…look! Football! In the morning! But then I’d be stuck in a town where a college team—A COLLEGE TEAM—is empirically more popular than the local pro team. That just ain’t right. I mean, when was the last time the University of Washington was good at anything other than turning out doctors, nurses, and clinical psychologists? Feh. Who needs ‘em.

So the Eagles: gonna stomp on people. A lot and all the time. The Phillies: Already stomping on people, all over the place and better than anyone else. Still owe my mom one more game this season, too. Looking like a good fall, people. I’m waiting for it to snow!

1 comment:

  1. I am officially excited about football now. Unfortunately I cannot forgive you for bashing soccer. You will pay, my friend....