Thursday, September 27, 2012

Who thought this was a good idea, anyway?

I've always wondered about the history of how humans decided to eat certain things. Like lobsters--who was the first brave dude to decide that this:

was somehow worthy of eating? (Pretty sure that the lobstrosities from Stephen King's The Dark Tower books are a direct result of the author's status as a Mainer. Dad-a-chuk, and all that.) I can only imagine that some courageous proto-human was taking an afternoon dip and saw a lobster scuttling along the seafloor...and then somehow made the leap that the enormous bug would be delicious if conquered, cracked open, and consumed? I dunno.

And oysters. How...when would...I mean, Sarah finally got me to appreciate (and yes, really like) oysters a few months ago, and I'll for sure eat them with zeal these days. But did the first person (again, proto-human) decide to shuck one open and slurp it down? Did Homo Habilis even have vinegar around to whip together a mignonette? And who finally brought the horseradish to the party, anyway? Good on you, horseradish guy.

Rambutan. JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ rambutan. I've definitely mentioned them before but HOLY CRAP do they terrify me. WHY WOULD YOU EAT THAT?!? Don't get me wrong, I love our rambutan sorbetto. Tastes like tea to me, but we all know how subjective flavors can be. I can only imagine that the culinary background on these is something like this:

  • Rambutan falls on proto-human's (let's call him Bill) head, splits open. 
  • Bill sees what just hit him, glistening, terrifyingly translucent, probably throbbing if you get too close to it. Bill runs away in terror.
  • Bill's proto-dog, too desnse to be afraid (c'mon, we all love dogs but they're hardly mental giants), tastes the rambutan, decides it's delightful, and wolfs (heh) the whole thing down. Proto-dog, unsurprisingly, promptly horks the pit up. 
  • Bill reconsiders his stance on the rambutan issue.

So yeah. Food's just weird sometimes, but all in all generally awesome. Sometimes though, like something out of a youth reading horror novel, the scariest stuff is presented as the most innocuous and wholesome when really its truth is pretty terrifying (I'm looking at you, mega-corporate food "producers.") Anyway. Let's not rant, huh? Eat weird food. Does a body good. 

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