No dark matter?

Astronomers this week announced their findings in a study on the gravitational relationships of stars and huge clouds of dust in the area surround our solar system.  Their goal was to figure out about how much dark matter there is floating around in our neighborhood.  What they found was not what was expected.  Nothing.  Not one little bit of dark matter anywhere near us (I use those words relatively because the study covered and bubble around earth stretching about 13,000 light-years from us). 

But at capo we know the real truth.  We've secretly been funneling all the dark matter we can get our hands on into the Cioccolato Scuro.  That is the real secret behind it's super rich, fudgy, tasty, uber darkness.  Yes, we're aware it could totally destabilize the gravitational fields of the solar system and galaxy.... but isn't it totally worth it for what is arguably the worlds best ice cream?!?