Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Mother's Day is almost upon us (it's on the 13th, in case you didn't know). Like many of you, I'm not exactly sure what I should do for my mom this year. I'll most likely just call and tell her I love her, then feel guilty for not sending her flowers or going to visit. I am still not the bad kid though, because my brother once showed up to a fancy Mother's Day brunch after consuming a whole lot of hallucinogens. A whole lot. He will always be the one who ruined Mother's Day.

However, I am not without fault when it comes to making my mother's life hell. There was a famous incident when I was about four years old and we were all at a toy store at the mall. I really didn't want to leave, so I started screaming, "She's not my mom! SHE'S NOT MY MOM, SHE'S TAKING ME!!!!" Apparently I had already learned about stranger danger in preschool, and decided to utilize the unsuspecting public to aid me in my toyshop scheme. All of the other adults immediately rushed to help me, even though my brother was wailing that I was, in fact, my mother's child. He was also punching me in the arm while doing so, which didn't really help his credibility. Long and short, my mother had to wait until security came and I calmed down. My mom almost went to mall jail, but I eventually relented and confessed to the mall cop that I was her daughter, and he let us leave. My mother had never been so embarrassed.

In any case, no matter what you've done to terrorize your mother, you should bring her some gelato. Or better yet, spend the day with her and bring her down to Capogiro. We promise not to play any heavy metal music and we swear that we will always say "please" and "thank you".

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