Thursday, June 24, 2010

Burn After Reading




LOCATION:Philadelphia, PA

DATE: June, 2010

INVESTIGATION: Unexplained paranormal link between pregnancy and gelato

BRIEF: Field agents have been alerted to a disproportionately high number of expectant mothers patronizing Capogiro, a local business specializing in high-quality Italian gelato. To many witnesses, these subjects seem to be under some sort of mind-control, with only a single mission: the mass consumption of gelato.

Personnel have noticed that these subjects tend to crave the more savory varieties for their purposes, particularly dark chocolate and pistachio. Subjects are also known to purchase and devour several servings of gelato in one sitting. The local population is concerned that gelato stock may be diminished by these pregnant patrons, and have requested an immediate emergency action plan should rations run low.

FINDINGS: Possible explanations include, but are not limited to; fetal alien brainwashing, behavior modification microchips, mass hysteria, pregnant flash mobs, zombie apocalypse, gelato addiction epidemic.

CONCLUSION: As of now, the case remains open.

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