Thursday, February 7, 2013

Television-based restaurants the world really needs

It's pretty much a given that I'm a restaurant GENIUS. I mean, obvs. And I'm feeling generous today, so for all you "restaurant consultants" (read: cooks and servers who can't actually hack it during service) here are some ideas for restaurant concepts you can pitch:

The West Wing--The servers stay put while all the guests walk around and eat. (I'm totally going to slip olives into Sarah's pocket one of these days.)

M*A*S*H--Lots and lots of ketchup.

ER--Lots and lots of SEXY ketchup.

Sportscenter--Everything's served in leather. (That's a deep joke.)

Honey BooBoo--Two items on the menu here--cheese-flavored butter and butter-flavored cheese. Not brie, though.

Battlestar Galactica--You only THINK the food is sourced from the States. Really it's all from Vancouver.

Rawhide--All jerky all the time. (Low-hanging fruit, that one.)

Pawn Stars--All the staff is wheezy and you're in constant negotiations over the price of your meal.

Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives--/rimshot

Hee Haw--Creamed corn, steamed corn, corn on the cob, corn flakes, and corn syrup. But probably not polenta, and DEFINITELY not tortillas.

Jersey Shore--Heat lamps and vegetable oil at every table. (The first one I came up with for this wasn' wasn't appropriate.)

Dr. Who--Every time your server comes by your table, he looks different...

Top Gear--The crew burns the restaurant down every third week.

Any soccer match ever--You only get one dish, it takes 87 minutes to arrive, and when your server drops it off he rips his shirt off in celebration while the rest of the staff dances around him.

Alright, I'll totally cop to this being the day before I head out of town for a long weekend. So I crowd-sourced some of this to my Facebook friends. The funny ones though...they're all mine. Have a great weekend everyone!

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