Thursday, September 1, 2011

Chocolate Peanut Butter Gelato will save the world.

--When Chocolate Peanut Butter starts his guitar solo, Jimmy Page gets his lighter out.

--When you eat Chocolate Peanut Butter too fast, you don't get brain freeze. You get brain ASPLODE.

--Chooch tells Roy Halladay to pitch around Chocolate Peanut Butter. (And Ruben Amaro Jr. keeps calling us wanting to know what we'd want in trade.)

--Hurricane Irene thought about pummeling Philly, saw Chocolate Peanut Butter giving her his cool glare, and left to go beat up Ben and Jerry's instead.

--We can't make Chocolate Peanut Butter and Black Raspberry on the same day because we spend too much time shooing away unicorns and wood nymphs.

--DeSean Jackson held himself out of training camp because he'd heard a rumor we weren't going to make Chocolate Peanut Butter anymore and needed a few days to collect himself.

--Chocolate Peanut Butter is dismayed at our addiction to fossil fuels, but he's confident we'll get our act together.

--Chocolate Peanut Butter doesn't melt.

--Last week's earthquake? Too much peanut butter, not enough chocolate. Our collective shui got all unfenged.

--Chocolate Peanut Butter is always happy to change a diaper.

--In the outtakes of Anthony Bourdain's "elBulli" episode, you can just make out Tony whispering reverently to Ferran Adria, "Yeah, but have you had the Chocolate Peanut Butter?"

--Chocolate Peanut Butter doesn't have any job references on his resume because he's always been "The Boss."

--I tried to pack a pint full of only Chocolate Peanut Butter a few minutes ago. Got worried when I saw the fabric of reality warping in on itself from the sheer mass of awesome.

--Chocolate Peanut Butter thinks you should wear a bike helmet.

--The next deeper dream in Inception past the snow fort? Chocolate Peanut Butter, and no one wants to wake up.

--Chocolate Peanut butter always cleans the oatmeal pot.

--You ask Chocolate Peanut Butter, he'll tell you you're gonna be okay.

--Chocolate Peanut Butter thinks your hair looks great.