Thursday, January 2, 2014

Your last stop for food trend prognostication

I didn't get the chance to do any top ten/best of lists covering 2013, so it seems required that, like every other food blogger in the universe, I go ahead and post my list of hot/not trends for the coming year.

What's hot: fried chicken. So many people think that the fried chicken moment is over for the nation. These people are wrong, because fried chicken is awesome and will continue to be so. I'm counting the days until baseball returns for a lot of reasons, but high on that list is so that I can eat FedNuts in the sunshine and watch JRoll hobble around the infield.

What's not: waiting in long lines for over-priced, "ground-breaking" food (looking at you, cronut) mostly so that you can instagram it (also over: instagramming your food) and, as a consequence, satisfy some narcissistic chef's ego.

What's hot: cheese, particularly if it gets runny at room temperature, has the word "stinking" in its name somewhere, and makes your TGIMcFunsterBees-eating friends uncomfortable.

What's not: this weird obsession you all have with mushrooms. Seriously, they're fleshy, spore-bearing, fruiting bodies that grow ON their food. Put like that they don't sound so tasty, do they? No, they don't. Because they have all the textural delights of decomposing tree bark.

What's hot: cashews. The most under-rated star of the nut world. It was the most amazing thing--my sister bought a vegan "cheese" cashew paste to along with the excellent camembert and cheddar we had for snacks over the holidays and you know what? It wasn't terrible! It was actually pretty tasty! I'd even eat it again. Once the camembert's all gone, obviously.

What's not: weird grains. Quinoa, farro, tef...people, only about one in a hundred of you will actually die from eating gluten. I promise. And if you're that one in a hundred, you're already dead and it's no thing. So have a bagel already.

What's hot: my pot roast:
(So nice I'm posting it twice)

What's not: corn syrup and whipped cream-laden abominations masquerading as a "macchiato."

What's hot: cycling shoe covers. Seriously, my toes are froze. Never too early to start picking out gifts for my birthday!

What's not: our iced coffee. Don't get me wrong, we make the best rocket fuel this side of...I don't know, wherever it is that rocket fuel actually gets made. But it's maybe a weebit frosty out there for an iced drink? Maybe go for a red-eye instead?

So there you go. From Philadelphia's foremost food blogger, your (debatably) food-related trends to watch out for in the coming year. You're welcome!

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