Thursday, November 7, 2013

Ohmanohmanohman this might be bad...

Just...just hold on with me here, okay? We can get through this if we're together. It's going to be scary and uncomfortable and it's going to make everything worse for a while, but. But. We're gonna be okay. Right?!

We're staring down the barrel of a global wine shortage.

Ok, breathe with me! C'mon, in through your nose, out through your mouth! Stay with me.

It's completely true, though. Demand for wine is outpacing production, and there are a few different things making it worse. 2011 was a crap year for growing wine grapes, for one thing. For another, you sots are drinking greedily of what IS available! American wine consumption has been skyrocketing for the last decade or so. I blame Thomas Haden Church, naturally. It's been blowing up in China too, but I don't have any ready cultural references to arbitrarily back that up, so let's move on.

Sounds like 2013 has been a much better harvest year so far, so we'll probably settle out over the next year or so. That's some comfort, which is good...because you should brace yourself again. There's more bad news coming.

We may have reached peak wine.

Breathe. BREATHE! You're getting pale. I know, it's scary! But we have to face the reality that everything might change. Will Two Buck Chuck stay two bucks?!?! Mr. Two Buck Chuck says yes. California is, apparently, okay to go for the foreseeable future.

But production is trending down in France, Italy, and Spain, which seems like a bad signal. But then again there are even more conflicting rumors that winemakers do this to us every few years so that they can terrify us into accepting higher prices. Who do we believe?!

I dunno. What I DO know is that I'm going to fill my underground bunker with box wine and corner the inevitable post-wino apocalypse market. Courage.

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