Friday, December 28, 2012

New Year's Resolutions Worth Keeping

I mean, we all want to start the year off with the best of intentions, right? I'm totally going to keep a budget! And lose ten pounds by March! And start writing thank you notes for holiday and birthday gifts! YEAH!

Sure, dog. GOOD LUCK WITH ALL THAT. I don't really get why we collectively decide that it has to be January 1st before we'll start taking all those steps to make the good changes to our lives. (Don't get me wrong, I'm TOTALLY as guilty of this as everyone else.)

So why not set yourself up for success? Pick resolutions that won't be so onerous to keep up with that come February 9th you're already feeling guilty. (Look out, some of these might actually be serious suggestions.)

#1: It's high time you did the Mummers. Yeah, I'm lookin' at you. You've lived in Philadelphia for HOW LONG? And you've never rousted your butt out of bed on New Years Day to join your fellow citizens in conspicuous public daydrinking? C'mon, man. I promise the intersection of Broad and Washington is never more cheerful. (I'll cop to maybe contributing to a distinct LACK of cheer at that intersection when I'm on my bike. It can be a little adversarial some days.) Fortify yourself with a substantial breakfast--it's pretty much THE day for scrapple and pork roll--and hop on the BSL with the rest of us. It's your duty as a Philadelphian! I'll save you some (scandalously) cheap sparkling wine and we'll meet for a late Mexican lunch.

#2: Eat more avocado. Jeeeeeeeez our avocados are so good right now. I mean, we're pretty adept at managing avocados generally, but it's more difficult than you might think. Seriously, though. Our avocados are right in that sweet spot, so you should come in today for a bagel. Today! I can't make promises about tomorrow. (We'll still have plenty of delightful avocados tomorrow.)

#3: Adopt a fugly dog. Loogit this guy:
      I'm not going to take the easy way out and tell you that's a face only a mother could love (though...crikey. That's a mug, inn'it?). My point is that there are a ton of dogs and cats out there who aren't altogether the most aesthetically pleasing little boogers. But that's not important to you! You're only motivated by giving some poor but lovable (and loving!) little beastie a good home. Right? Right. So. Do that! They'll love you forever.

#4: Play bingo with our seasonal flavors. Like, if you time it right you can probably get persimmon knocked off early without having to wait until next December. And think of the fabulous prizes you'll get when you win! (Suddenly occurring to me that I now need to come up with fabulous prizes for this game. Also...maybe something like a bingo board. Lemme get back to you.)

#5: Help me make 2013 The Year Of The Sausage. Bacon had its moment, and that was fine. It's a tasty meat, I've nothing against it. But I never really understood the bacon fixation (the baconation, if you will). Even bacon as awesome as ours is pretty one-dimensional. But sausage! SO MANY SAUSAGES. Blood sausage! Breakfast sausage! Hot dogs! Hot Italian! Knockwurst! Mortadella! Kielbasa! Seriously, why let bacon be the pork fat standard bearer? It's time to expand our sausage-y horizons. I'm not talking about gimmicky weirdness like sausage-flavored mayonnaise or lip balm or any of that nonsense. But how about a bloody mary with a summer sausage swizzle stick? Or a pizza with a sausage-stuffed crust? BLOOD SAUSAGE CORN DOGS. (For the vegetarians out there, if you want to make it the year of the nut loaf you have my full-throated support.)

#6: Keep a $5 Wawa gift card in your pocket. For my part, I am actually going to try to do this. I'm a pretty soft touch, and when someone on the street asks me for some help getting something to eat, I want to be able to respond. But then there's the whole debate about, if you give them cash, what they're actually going to spend the money on. So: give them a Wawa gift card (and eye contact and a smile).

So. All in all, do whatever's in your power to make your 2013 better than your 2012, regardless (actually--ESPECIALLY) if your 2012 was pretty awesome. From us and ours to you and yours, Happy New Year, Feliz Año Nuevo, best warm wishes, and ever a hope for peace.

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