The wonders of new life.

In case you haven't heard, NASA recently announced that they had found a completely unprecedented bacterial life form in a California lake which uses arsenic rather than carbon to form its genetic building blocks. The implications are mind-boggling. Not only does this discovery change the way that terrestrial science will examine biology henceforth, but it also means that our search for alien life has also broadened enormously. The possibilities of alternate biologies based not only on carbon, but also numerous other possible elements, gives scientists and optimists worldwide great hope of possibly discovering E.T.s in our lifetimes.


Mono Lake, home to the newly discovered life form
It's unfortunate that this announcement coincided perfectly with the less-heralded press release from a small group of scientists studying deep in the heart of the jungles of Brazil which stated that they had found a new form of the Ailuropoda melanoleuca, better known as the great panda, a life form that had hitherto only been observed in Asia. This new panda is also unlike anything science has ever seen: the creature's biological components are composed entirely of whipped heavy cream. The beast was quickly dubbed the "panna-anda" and driven nearly to extinction by the very scientists who discovered it, as they quickly determined that morsels of the bear tasted great atop their hot chocolates and gelato treats. Fortunately, a radical group of environmentalists were able to rescue and protect a small pack of panna-andas, and with the help of a team Chinese panda specialists, they believe that they will be able to bring the panna-andas back from the brink of disaster. Until the panna-andas are once again thriving, we suggest that you show solidarity for their cause by enjoying only the finest in non-panda derived whipped cream, as found at our fine cafes.


A panna-anda slowly splits in two after falling asleep in a tree.