Snow Survival Guide

According to the Philadelphia Chocolate Tour, which visits our store almost daily, ice cream was first created in China like a gazillion years ago. They say that the emperor (dunno which one) would send his servant up a mountain to gather snow and ice and then they would scurry back down and the snow would be mixed with yaks' milk and other ingredients and presto! - ice cream. I hear this speech a lot, and always feel kinda bad for the servant who had to go and fetch the ice. I wonder if any of them ever got trapped in the snow in pursuit of the emperor's tasty treat. As my brain thinks in one long run-on sentence, this led me to start thinking about avalanches.


Tips on surviving an avalanche:

Ditch yer gear. In an avalanche, it's usually blunt force trauma that will kill you, so you want to make sure that you don't get bashed in the head with your snowboard or impaled on your ski pole. Throw these things as far away from you as possible. As a bonus, any debris that may be sticking up out of the snow can help rescuers find your location and maybe save you before you die of hypothermia. Yay!

Paddle, paddle, kick. During an avalanche, the snow is pretty loose and kinda acts much like a great big cold wave. You want to try to stay near the surface of the avalanche, because once it stops, all the snow will settle and you will be completely screwed if you aren't as close to the surface as possible.

Make room. Before the snow settles and packs down upon you in an icy coffin of doom, you want to make sure that you give yourself plenty of breathing room (this is assuming that you are clearheaded enough to overlook the fact that you are in an AVALANCHE). Try to create an air pocket around your mouth by cupping your hands over your face. Also, be sure to take a deep breath as the snow starts packing in, so that your breathing won't be restricted by your chest being crushed.

Spit. Being in an avalanche is, and I'm just guessing here, a very disorienting experience. It may be hard to tell which way you should start clawing at in order to get to that sweet, sweet air. If you can't tell which way is up, try drooling a bit. Whichever direction the spit goes is obviously down, and therefore NOT the direction you want to go. Thanks, gravity!

Scream and pray. Holler a lot. Go crazy. Yell your face off! Hopefully there is a search party looking for you and making a lot of noise will help them find you. It might also help hungry bears find you, but at this point that's the least of your worries. It probably wouldn't hurt to give a shout out to whatever gods you hold dear, and with any luck this guy -->
will find you and give you some nice brandy while he digs you out.